What has happened to chivalry?

It is 2018.  The age of women’s empowerment!  And seemingly the age of the death of old-world chivalry, especially in the world of dating and courtship (which seems to have died as well).

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Throughout history, men have traveled oceans for, fought wars for, killed and died for a woman they loved.  Men, were the pursuers, the hunters, the chivalrous predators.  Women, throughout history, were not all meek mild-mannered subservient beings without rights, mind you.  Many strong powerful historical women were in leadership and had much effect on history.  And women have been the cause of history book stories of men, more times than not.  My mother used to state, “a man may be the head of the house, but the woman turns the neck.”  haha… there’s so much truth in that comical statement though.

Back to the point of this post though…

I have been beyond surprised in today’s dating world – since I’m part of it – in the meek mild-mannered backward ways of most guys.  I can’t even bring myself to call these ones men right now.  Because a “man” acts like a man and not like a…. whatever this is today.

Before I come off sounding jaded or cynical, let me clarify.  There’s one side of me that is overly understanding and compassionate about issues men do have to deal with today that they didn’t have to deal with long ago.  Yet the other side of me shrugs my shoulder in a “yeah, we’ve been dealing with that and more for years as women!” Am I right, women?!  hahaha  You see, today, men not only have to deal with women not acting much like “women”, they also have to deal with society pushing a “new definition of masculinity” down their throats.  (Yes, women are dealing with the same reverse stereotype teaching right now too, sadly.)  All of this combined with so much else, cannot be easy to maneuver mentally or even emotionally.

I have been guilty of asking a man what his emotions were on a subject or certain circumstance that happened.  The most “manly” response I ever received was, “When I know I have to do something, I shut down emotions.  I can do difficult things.”  This is probably the most legitimate masculine honest response.  You see, men’s brains are scientifically different than women’s.  Women can go back & forth between their logical non-emotional sie as well as their emotional creative sides over and over in the same conversation or situation.  Men’s brains are split and they can do one or the other.  That’s it… each moment requires them choosing which side they’ll use.  Because THEY ARE NOT WOMEN and because of that, do not and cannot respond or react like women do and can.

Look into your history books, and one resounding lesson is women rule by balancing emotion and reason.  Men rule by logic and reason mainly purely.  They both have their place and are both needed at different times.  Each has their strength and their weakness.

Now, to spin this back into dating, there used to be more of what I’ll call a ‘protocol’ that men went by with proper dating.  There was a code of conduct… chivalry.  Dating initially was polite, proper, and in its right time and place used for information gathering and truly getting to know the other person.  If it was decided to move to the next level, it turned into chivalrous courtship.  Which usually ultimately led to marriage.  And in this entire process, there was decorum, manners, knowing the respectful timing of actions allowed, and their place of properness required throughout.  They honored women with respect and kept their crass brut side for time with other men.  They went out of their way to impress a woman upon calling on her for a first date.  They followed through when they said something.

There was one guy who actually messaged me, “I don’t chase!” To which I simply laughed, and said, “okay” and stopped any interest I had at that moment.  Maybe I’m a bit too old school and see men still as the predator, protector, provider…. and so on…. but I’m pretty sure the lion, the wolf, they all chase what they want.  And the catch is the reward.  So, if you – man – want the woman to step up and be the alpha and do the chasing, don’t be surprised if it’s not you that they chase.   Because how much of a prize is catching a man who doesn’t hold you at a high enough value to find you as a prize worth going after anyhow?  None.

I’ll use a sexual innuendo reference as a guide here to paint a visual picture.  I was having this conversation just this week with someone… so I’ll repeat it here, as it is a good analogy for this situation.  We were talking about the power play in sex.  They referenced the man’s desire for some control and alpha moments in the bedroom.  I explained how a lot of times, even when a woman takes a power play role, it’s to push the man to take it back… in a respectful way of course.

You see, there is an underlying desire for man/woman roles in most of us.  However much you want to fight it or deny it, the truth is, when you see a TRUE example of a great man and a great woman individually and together, it is awe inspiring!  This is why Hollywood is so successful.  The dream of such things again.

So, why can’t we find it?  Why is it so hard to put into actual action; the being a “man” and a “woman” in all the power that holds.  If only people realized the power in that.



A lady… dreaming of a man…

Sonya Mae… She Idealist.


Take the step forward…

There is a lot to be said in life about taking the step or steps forward, even when you do not know where the path will lead.  The unknowns, for most, are scary nervous places filled with worry and fear.  However, if you can only learn to change your mindset and think of the wondrous possibilities and options that could also lie ahead, you may learn to love the unknowns in your life.

I am at this point, yet again in my life.  A path that I have wanted to go down for many years, and yet the only one I have been nervous to forge… is being stepped into.  I have known of a calling on my life since I was a young 16-year-old girl.   A platform I would build and have to make a stance that would be widely popular, yet also widely unpopular.  Things would transpire in my life that would give me more wisdom than a woman should require.  More experience than a girl should need, allowing for a greater empathy and understanding for so many more than could have been imagined.

You know, my daughter used to asked me ‘why’ things happen in life.  Why does God allow certain things to happen?  That is always a hard question to answer from a mum.  However, once I learned how many more people I could reach AFTER going through each trauma, each hardship, each brokenness, I learned that maybe… just maybe God puts some of His people through these things to be able to reach that many more.  And my daughter, being just as strong as her mum, stopped and pondered that and agreed with a soft-hearted smile of wisdom beyond her years.

I started this blog in December of 2010 just 6 months after a major travesty in my family.  For 4 years I wrote in it regularly, then it dwindled off some.  And then LIFE hit my family with a curveball, yet again… and that lasted for several years.  But on the other side of the hill, there is a new rekindling of the same fire that started this.  Yet, this time with a stronger and greater push and purpose.

This will no longer be just a blog.  And it will no longer be just me doing this.  There is a team lining up, and greater things on the horizon.  Some things will change.  However, the mission and purpose remain the same.  This time, however, on a grander scale and a proper platform.

So, I look forward to seeing you all again soon!  Keep your eyes and ears tuned in!!

Coming soon!

Sonya Mae… She Idealist