People come & go in our lives. Sometimes it is a hard thing to deal with. Some people you want to keep forever, somehow, at some level. Learning to let them go completely is hard. However I have heard that missing people is part of the healing process. I am thankful for all (well okay, most) of the people who have come into my life. Some I miss dearly, some I think about often, some I wish I could just call up like I used to and tell about random simple daily happenings.
People may leave your life through death. People may leave your life through moving far away. People may leave your life through ‘growing apart’ or moving into different stages of their life. People may leave your life through a break-up… good or bad.
I am a firm believer that God brings people into your life for a purpose. Those purposes may not always be pleasant. In fact, sometimes there is a lesson you need to learn or a hardship you need to endure, in order to “prune” you and your character into who He has for you to become.
I am learning to allow people to move in and out of my life. It is a hard lesson. When a best friend is no longer a best friend. When a man/woman you thought could be “it” does not end up being it in the end. When a time-frame ends with someone who you never though it would end with… and you wonder “why?” or “how?” it ended.
I do not have all of the answers. What I do have is life experiences and a learning willing spirit. Sometimes it is best to have faith in what will be and allow people to live out their own free will to come and go from your life… just as you have come & gone through other people’s lives.
Try and focus on making every day with every person in your life right now, the best moments you can make with them… be the best blessing you can be into their lives. Whether or not they reciprocate. Be these things: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” Galatians 5:22-23
With a hopeful heart hanging onto every moment with those in my life,
Ever since I can remember, as early as being a school aged kid, I can remember sitting in my classrooms and hearing others talking amongst themselves with questions of things they didn’t understand or didn’t know the answers to or didn’t agree with, but were too embarrassed or scared to say out loud. I would immediately raise my hand and voice the question or concern, as if it was my own, just to help them. Because I have never been afraid of speaking up. I have never been afraid of looking foolish publicly. Or of people talking about me.
I was just born with a much thicker layer of skin than most people I suppose when it comes to this arena. And with this realization, I have always felt it my purpose or calling if you will to speak out for those who cannot. Because I can.
This blog, my FB page, my life…. are all platforms I have to help others. What I have is my voice and an audience bigger than most peoples. So why would I not do what I am able to do?!
For the 3 people who have questioned or disagreed with this part of me before, there are multitudes for each of those 3 who send me messages thanking me for what I do. Letting me know it helps so much. Asking me to please continue.
If I am going through something, have a thought about something, witness something noteworthy in life….. then someone else somewhere else has as well. And someone is feeling alone in their emotions and struggles and life happenings. If my vulnerable transparency helps them, then I have done what I was meant to do. Help others with the gifts and talents given me.
I will not apologize for this part of my life. It has been here since I was a young girl. It will remain as long as I have a platform and a voice to make a difference in people’s lives.
Sonya… She Idealist
I wrote this blog and wee hours of the morning after late phone call and being questioned about this part of my life. I then put down my iPhone until today so that I would have time to spellcheck before publishing. Then… My phone rang at 8 o’clock this morning by a girl many miles away that I haven’t spoken to in years, because she saw my most recent emotionally transparent FB post. Thanking me for posting. Going through something that was in need of the exact words. We talked for over an hour and I am so thankful for her and her heart.
It was wonderful to receive confirmation within hours of being questioned for this part of my life!
I am thankful and grateful that my mother ingrained into me the thought process to never leave someone, no matter how mad, without letting them know how I truly feel for them. I try my hardest to let my friends, family and loved ones always realize what they mean to me. I do not always do perfectly, however I hope that I successfully drill this point home with those close to my heart.
I have been recently reminded, very tragically, that you are never promised another minute with anyone! You never know what will happen. You never know when or if something might happen and take that person away from you! The best way to appreciate someone is to imagine your life without them!
How horrible would you feel if your last words were not nice words. If you rushed out the door in your normal hustle and bustle and didn’t take the extra 2 minutes to hug and kiss and hold them, even briefly. And please… if this has held true for you, please please do not hold yourself accountable. Please do not put yourself under the major emotional stress of claiming any guilt or wrong-doing. We are humans and all make mistakes. You were truly just living normal life.
We all need to do better at this! Take this moment, literally STOP right now, and call that person you fought with last. Look at them, if they are with you, and soften your heart just enough. Let them know that no matter what, even if you are still mad, that you do care about them. Don’t let them out of your sight without dropping your pride and your guards enough to always let them know. Because… “what if” those are the last words you get to say to them?? What if that was your last moment to touch them??
I pray dearly to God that we can all hear and learn these words! I pray that we all learn to practice this and not let our pride overtake us and then risk potentially regretting it later. I pray for myself to continue to do this better and more, and I pray for you to pick up this habit and hold to it tightly.
My heart breaks for my friends going through tragedy right now, and for my friends who have gone through tragedy in the past. I praise and thank God that I still have so many in my life that I love, even if I cannot be with them everyday. I am thankful that I have a voice to speak publicly via this blog, and I pray that is helps someone today… to cling to those you love every moment you have them. To not take those you care about for granted.
I appreciate you all. I value you following along as I write, a bit too transparently sometimes, from my heart. Thank you. I pray that you have an amazing day!
Why do we as a people care so much about what other’s think and sayabout us, or don’t say? Why do we put so much weight on their words and actions towards us? Are we that insecure and unsure of ourselves?
I like to think that I am a fairly confident and strong person. However, even I find myself doing this exact thing. Even yesterday and today I found myself reaching out to someone, and then I was sitting on nervous insecure pins & needles wishing for a positive reply. I mean REALLY!? Is it really that bad if someone doesn’t like me? Is it really that bad if someone doesn’t feel like replying to me? Is my world really going to end if I get my feelings hurt or heart broken?
The answer that you or I do not want to hear is… NO! This world keeps turning. Your life keeps on going. “This too shall pass.”
My mom used to tell us children all the time, “when things are going bad, just hold on because ‘this too shall pass;’ when things are going good, cherish it because ‘this too shall pass.'” It was a good life lesson and one that also means that no matter what, this world keeps turning. Change is hard, but can also be exciting.
We should try to practice and learn that others think and say about or to us, or choose not to say to us, really is not quite as important as our hearts think it is. Today, I have had to practice the old “out of sight, out of mind” approach. Some people are better at this than others. I am a slightly impatient person and seem to want answers faster than they are really absolutely NEEDED. I need to slow down, take a deep breath, and just allow myself to be vulnerable. If I have reached out to someone, it is their prerogative if they reply or how they reply to me. I have to allow whatever will be to be. I have done my part, and I then need to let go of it.
You are still who you are. Anything they could say or do does not change who you are! Just be okay with who and where you are. If they don’t reply or don’t reply the way you hoped. Just take a calming breath, and move on. It is really okay. You are really okay.
I love you and am giving you a big cyber hug right now.
If today was the last day of your life, what would you do? Who would you cling to? What would be important? What would not be important?
Sometimes when you put things into proper perspective, all those “issues” and feeling like you need to prove your point, your rightness, yourself… they no longer matter. Drop your boxing gloves, your swords, take all the blame (even if it’s not yours) and turn the other cheek. Is it really worth risking losing every part of it, losing the friendship, losing the relationship, losing the happiness of it.
Sometimes the things you have even crying over or complaining about are not as big of deals as your heart has been breaking over and your mind has been telling you. Your life is not over. The world keeps turning and you can and should refocus your mind onto things that matter more. Put your time and energy into better things.
Sometimes the things you have almost given up on are still options. I know the fight has made you weary and it seems like it’s never going to happen. However, what if you truly gave it ALL again… what could happen. If you did give your all and it did not happen, you would still be here. Life would still be here. Yes it would hurt and it is scary. Is it worth it? Is it so important that it is worth the risk? If so, put away your fear! Put away all of the what ifs. Stop sabotaging steps of your success because you’re actually just afraid of a possible negative outcome!!! Just do it! Try!!! Make the move you’ve been scared to make!
Sometimes we see someone going through something caused by their own actions. Or about to make a really bad choice. You’ve been biting your tongue out of respect or the possibilities of them getting mad at or hurt by you. Do you truly care for them? Is their life happiness worth stepping up and speaking the wisdom they truly need to hear? Is their success and safety and happiness important enough to lay yourself on the line and do the right thing?
Today… take the blame even if it’s not yours. But be genuine in your desire to simply do whatever it takes to stop the fight. Ask for forgiveness for your side. Be honest. Be humble. Life is too short to allow friendships and other relationships to crumble over pride on either side.
Today… Decide to pick yourself up out of your pity party. Find a person even if it’s an audio book person, to help motivate you and uplift your attitude and determination. Choose a course towards a new goal that you’ve been wanting to accomplish and focus your time and energy into this. Every time a negative thought or moment steps in, use it to launch you deeper into an action step towards this goal. Refocus your mind on this.
Today… Take 10 minutes to truly think on the things you are about to give up on. Are they hard things that you truly want and need to focus on and fix? Or are they dead ends that you need to walk away from? If the latter, find a friend who will hold you accountable to staying away. If it is important and deep down you desire that, then stop lolly gagging and get off your tush and fight for it again! Find a friend who can help you when you get beat down or tired. Every boxer needs a person in their corner. Look around you, there is always someone. There is always something. Go to God’s word about this. Pray about it. Put your boxing gloves back on… you are not down for the count otherwise you wouldn’t be able to read this! You are still in the fight!! With enough energy, enough fight, you can do it!!! You can win this. Do it! Be brave enough to lose a fight, while still fighting to win the battle!
Today… Make the person you care about more important than yourself. If you truly love them, if their success and happiness is worth more than your possible hurt feelings, make the decision to step up and be the true friend you say you are. Say the hard words. Help them!
Life is too short!!!!!! Life is too short to have to be right. Life is too short to spend it sad & depressed. Life is too short not to fight for those things you truly want in your life. Life is too short to not help others for the fear of making them upset. Life is too short!!!!
There are many things in life we have to make decisions about. Some happen daily. “What am I going to wear today?” “What am I going to eat for lunch?” Some happen less often…. some only a few times in our lives. “What car do I want to buy?” “Is this the right person to step into a relationship with?” “Which career path should I take?”
When decisions get scaryand can alter your entire life path once you make them… how do YOU handle that?
I am an over-analyzer, a researcher, a planner. What does this mean as it pertains to decision-making? Well, it means that I try to know everything possible up front, before I make a decision. This is both good and bad. Good because I have normally foreseen potential problems that most would not think to look for. (I said “normally” because I have definitely missed some things too, even in all my “research” LOL!) Bad because it takes me longer to make a decision than some and I can over-think myself out of something that could be good. Does anyone else do this besides me?
There is a big difference between my big decision making now as I am an adult, than when I was a teenager or young-adult. Heck, there is even a big different between my decision making now as compared to 5 years ago! It seems that the older I get and the more experiences I walk through, the less brave to just GO before looking both ways and both ways again I become. This too is good and bad. I do miss my reckless abandon I once had. The 16 year old who jumped before looking with blind faith, even if there was always a level of “what if” panic in my mind, I had FULL faith that everything would be okay… no matter what. Maybe I have fallen at the end of too many jumps and have had too may bones broken. Maybe “wisdom” to look both ways and then look both ways again is a great thing. Then again, maybe one can be TOO careful as well. Maybe we have to find a balance of wise decision making and bold faith to just take that step knowing that if you do fall one more time, that you can get back up again, just like you have before. The ground may be a lot farther down than it was when you were younger… and that’s scary. Believe me, I know. And maybe the “fear” of the unknown when you are a “grown up” has a little to do with not having Mommy or Daddy around to help pick up your pieces anymore. It’s ALL up to you now.
Okay… I am not making myself or you feel any better at this point, I am sure of it. I may have in fact, made it worse now. HA Still, I miss having THAT much faith. The reality of the world: the bills that have to be paid, the relationships that don’t work out, the friendships that fade away, the jobs that end, the surviving that has to be done… all of these things can wear down your spirit. It is easier to just not do than to do and maybe fail. However, that is NOT living… that is ONLY surviving! No one should merely survive and work and eat and sleep.
I have made many mistakes in my life. Many even recently. However today, I was reminded of a quote that my grandmother has said to me many many times. “Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting “Holy Shit… What a ride!” (Excuse the language…)
I may need to read and reread this “motto” a few times again… to remind myself that even if I (or you) make mistakes, at least we were brave enough to make a hard decision and take that step. Keep walking! Yes, it is still wise to research and analyze. Yes, it is still wise to look both ways before you cross the street… you can even look twice. However eventually you should walk across that street. Otherwise, just turn around and walk a different direction… just don’t become stagnant in your life, having no direction or purpose or movement forward at all. And remember, forward can be any direction that you are facing. Look around you today. Do you like the way you are going? Do you see anything in front of you worth walking to? IF so…. WALK!!!! Or even run. If not, look around and find another direction to walk in.
One last note… fear can be good IF you use it to motivate you to move. Make the fear of standing still and doing nothing more powerful than the fear of what could be or could not be ahead of you in life. I believe in you… and I believe in me. 🙂
Think of a moment you would like to create today! Not only should you plan on it, think on it, and make a step towards the making of that moment… you should also ensure that you do not lose the opportunity to make that moment! I wish more people lived by this moto: COLLECT MOMENTS NOT THINGS!
Moments are the things that this life is made of. Every part of your day is an opportunity for a moment of some kind. Even when you are busy working at your office, you have an opportunity to create a moment even if only by simply smiling and saying hello to those you pass by during your day…. this holds true as you walk through stores. Even if you are spending your day with your children, you have an opportunity to create a moment by things as simple as singing to them or making a game out of a chore or pausing your normal routine to go outside for a walk. Even if you are simply running errands with your children in the car, you have an opportunity to create a moment by doing something as silly as playing one of those car travel games (my kids & I love the alphabet game [you have to find words as you’re driving which begin with each letter of the alphabet… in order] for one example) or just make them actually look out the windows and point out shapes in the clouds!
We are around people constantly in our lives. Let’s not get so caught up in just getting through our days and our lives, and create a lifetime of moments! Those are what you will remember and what you will be remembered for.
Don’t miss out on moments! Make them happen!!!
PS – Your attitude can be changed by YOU at any moment in your day. CHOOSE a good attitude. And BE the creator of moments for yourself and those all around you. Even if you feel that others should be the ones making moments happen… why miss out on them by waiting on someone else to come through for you. YOU be the creator of your moments!!!!! (Maybe others just don’t know how to do that… show them. Maybe just maybe, they’ll follow suit!)
I touched only briefly on the properness a man should have in my previous post “Feminists will hate me!” when I referred to men opening doors and walking on the correct side of a lady. In case you are wondering which is the correct side to walk on… it’s the side nearest the traffic, crowd, etc. to protect her. So, when you cross a street you might even need to switch sides! Yes sir, it might take you a whole couple of extra steps! haha (Note to the Ladies: There is nothing wrong with changing the side for him! I do this all the time, and the men who have ever walked down a street with me know that. I have no problem with taking a men gently by the arm and pulling him onto the outside of the sidewalk. Then I giggle and smile, and let him know that’s
Oh I pray for a day when women look & act again like women! Feminine, lady-like, proper when needed to be… women. Now, before all you feminists get your panties in a wad, just hear me out… I know I have to be careful how I word this blog post, so that I am not misunderstood.
I am all for women having rights, and do not believe we are any less than men at all! However, I do not believe that we should have to act just like men! God created man & woman differently on purpose. Guess what women – you were created to have children, and be a help-mate to man. Yeah, I know crushing to your feminist ego huh!!! HAHAHA Not that I want to be barefoot & pregnant and ordered around by a man. NOT! However, I do strongly believe that a man has his place…
The weight of life… of knowing you can’t stop… you can’t give up… because you know others are holding onto your strength. Is very heavy.
Any time you lift heavy weights daily, your muscles grow. You get stronger than you were the month before. Then the next time you lift, more weight has been added onto what was already there before, to keep you growing. It’s hard. It’s painful. Sometimes you’ll even get injured, and yes, it is even possible to hit a physical stopping point momentarily, it can even put you literally in the hospital if you haven’t been keeping up with the proper way to lift the weights of life. But the human body is an amazing thing! It heals. Your body heals itself enough to allow you to pick up weights again, and continue on the process. (Sometimes, starting over from small 5lb weights and retraining your body from the beginning.)
Once you have been lifting weights long enough you get skilled at it. Skilled enough that when you see someone lifting nearby and their form is completely wrong; so wrong that they could truly hurt themselves if they lift too heavily like that. You know what I mean, we’ve all been in that spot of not knowing, some of us are still there in many areas! So it’s your choice… do you just stand by and watch them lifting, assuming they will figure out how to lift well enough over time on their own? Or do you step in, politely, and offer to help show them… “mentor” them… in how to lift it properly? We will all get to a point in life when we will have others perhaps follow us, ask us, watch us, lean on us for advice. That my friends is an even heavier weight to lift. Yet, how could you not?! Yet again, if you do, please only teach what you know! Do not act arrogant and attempt to show someone how to deadlift if you yourself are only skilled at dumbells! Teach what you know well… no more. And never ever stop learning yourself and seeking out mentors and teachers for those weights which you still are not as skilled with as well.
We all need help with some area in our lives; a weight we still struggle lifting. I do. And when you ignore those who are attempting to assist show you how to lift a weight, you are not only hurting yourself, you are also taking away their opportunity to be a teacher, to give, to help, to bless. Do you remember the saying so many of us were told when we were in middle school; “The best way to learn, is to teach.” So, when you don’t allow someone to teach you something they have learned, you are stunting their continued growth as well.